Posting on Reddit’s popular r/AmITheA**hole forum, Redditor u/throwawayaccount3172 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said they had recently quit their job and expressed their reluctance to pay bills without having a steady income, despite their boyfriend’s insistence they do so.
Titled, “[Am I the a**hole] for telling my boyfriend he’s never had to struggle a day in his life, and not wanting to go back on our agreement?” the post had received more than 4,200 upvotes and 1,900 comments in the first 11 hours.
“I recently moved into my boyfriend ‘Sam’s’ apartment,” OP began. “He comes from an upper class family and is very well off.”
“I’m from a middle class background and make nowhere near as much as him,” OP added.
Continuing to explain that they quit their job “due to some issues in the workplace,” OP said they are not currently looking for work, and don’t plan to until the end of the year.
The Redditor also said that, despite having enough money saved up to not work for a while, they don’t want to allocate their savings toward household expenses, much to the dismay of their boyfriend.
“Sam asked me a few days ago to start contributing 50-50 to bills and other household items,” OP wrote. “It’s currently distributed based on our income.”
“I told him no, as I actually don’t even have income right now, but he said that’s ‘my problem’ and I need to take it out of my savings,” OP continued. “I said we agreed beforehand to split everything based on income, but he said that me not having a job is ‘something he has to deal with.'”
“I said that I’ve worked very hard for my savings and he can’t dictate what I do with it, and I need some left over for my own things,” OP added. “Sam got pretty pissed and said I was ‘selfish’ and ‘mooching off him,’ but I said that’s not the case at all [and] he won’t understand because he’s never had to struggle a day in his life.”
For most couples, moving in together is exciting and a step toward building a life together.
But like with many other co-living arrangements, disagreements about money can quickly put a damper on that enthusiasm.
To avoid conflict over rent, utility bills or any other shared expenses, real estate website Apartment Search recommends that couples implement strict, cost-splitting systems establishing each partner’s monthly responsibilities.
Whether that system is a traditional 50-50 split, evenly split rent with staggered utilities or a percentage split based on income, the most important factor when it comes to couples living together is accountability.
For couples to achieve successful cohabitation, each partner must hold up their end of the bargain—even when it doesn’t seem necessary.
Through multiple allusions to their boyfriend’s wealth and high-paying job, OP made it clear that he could keep the couple afloat for some time, supposedly justifying her refusal to use her savings to cover half of their expenses.
Redditors responding to the viral post scoffed at this notion.
Throughout the post’s comment section, Redditors slammed OP for insinuating that because they quit their job, they were exempt from contributing financially, and parroted their boyfriend’s assessment of the situation.
“[You’re the a**hole],” Redditor u/Temporary_Badger wrote in the post’s top comment, which has received more than 9,000 upvotes. “You agreed you’d contribute based on income, then quit your job because you thought that meant you’d have to contribute zero.”
“You are absolutely a mooch and taking advantage of him and he’s right to tell you he won’t put up with it,” they added. “He’s realized you don’t intend to contribute proportionally so much as use his wealth as an excuse to do nothing.”
Redditor u/FireWaterGold, whose comment has received more than 5,000 upvotes, echoed that sentiment.
“Splitting rent based on proportional income is what you agreed to… But that was before you decided to quit your job,” they wrote. “If that was going to make things hard on you financially… Then you shouldn’t have quit before you had another job lined up.”
“You need to be paying exactly what you paid before you quit working,” they added. “His employment status has nothing to do with it. The amount of money he has is irrelevant…You ARE taking advantage of him.”
“It sounds like you are trying to find a loophole in your agreement,” Redditor u/tlf55 chimed in, receiving more than 1,000 upvotes. “You should have had some discussions prior to quitting about how that would impact the household…Instead, you jump right to ‘He should pay for it all since he’s earning all the income.'”
Newsweek reached out to u/throwawayaccount3172 for comment.